Hello, everyone, and I want to welcome all of you to Tuesday, June 26th. It has been somewhat of a whirlwind of a week for me, and it’s not even halfway done!
I was at an appointment that resulted in a total, complete, and massive meltdown. It was humiliating, jaw-dropping, eye-opening, but, most of all, extremely important. It made me realize that I struggle with certain and specific elementary tasks, while I manage and even excel with others. It also made me realize that I have a traumatic brain injury. I’ve known that for over a decade now, but it just will not sink in.
It was something I had to complete and participate in for the overall GREATER GOOD of my traumatic brain injury recovery. It will be beneficial to me (I hope) in the overall aftermath, but right now, it is oh so humbling.
But today is another day. I got out of bed, I exercised, I read, I wrote, and I took care of our plants. It is all a part of life. Sometimes we have great days, sometimes we really feel down in the dumps. But I forced myself to take a step back and concentrated on something else. I listened to music. I worked on a foreign languages I am beginning to learn (German) and recalling a language (Spanish) of which I have some basic knowledge. It’s not easy, but it is rewarding in the end. It is using all sorts of different pathways and roads in my brain, and it is aiding me in regrowing/regaining my confidence. I knew it at one point in time, so now I just have to find it again in the maze of my memories.
I also have been beginning to accept the fact that I will never be able to recall the time periods before and after my car accident. Once I accept this, I can begin to move forward.
Do I have bitterness? Yes, sometimes. Do I feel sorry for myself? Yes, sometimes. Do I get angry with my TBI “new self?” Yes, sometimes. But I wake up every morning, write in my “Gratitude List” diary, and try to smile, laugh, and make others laugh. It is so empowering to me to be able to reach out to friends and family and other TBI survivors to let them know I am here for them. By no means do I have all of the answers or information you may desire, but I will listen to you. I know. I get it.
God bless you all and have a wonderful night!